Crap: A Guide to Politics - The Blog

Author Biography

Terry Arthur was educated at West Hartlepool Grammar School, Manchester University and Cambridge University.  He qualified as an Actuary in 1966 and became well known and highly regarded in both the profession and the world of institutional investment consultancy – despite successfully publishing the first edition of this book in 1975 under the irreverent title of  “95 per cent is Crap; a Plain Man’s Guide to British Politics”!

Nowadays he concentrates on a handful of non-executive positions, alongside writing for various organs.  A keen sportsman, he won a blue at rugby in 1962, and played for England in 1966.  He reads a lot and with his wife travels, sees their children and grandchildren, and plays golf and bridge.

Contents and Introduction

Contents

Foreword vi

Acknowledgements vii

Introduction 1

1 Newspeak Crap 4
2 Contradictory Crap 16
3 Meaningless Crap 25
4 Statistical Crap 37
5 Cheeky Crap 50
6 Illogical Crap 64
7 Misleading Crap 79
8 Ideological Crap 93
9 One Rule for Them Crap 108
10 Fashionable Crap 120
11 Economic Crap 137
12 Prolific Crap 153

Conclusion 170

Index of Names 171

Subject Index 175

Introduction

No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe when the legislature is in session.
(Mark Twain)

The impetus for the original edition of this book (95 per cent is Crap: A Plain Man’s Guide to British Politics) was twofold. Firstly I discovered in the early 1970s that a particular objective (to do with Trade Unions as I recall) was easily achievable by repealing a previous Act of Parliament whereas in fact a new Act was piled on top of the old one. Silly, but great for the political class. Secondly I read all the manifestos for both of the 1974 general elections and was appalled by the extent of the crap – explicable only by large dollops of both stupidity and vested interests. I did not vote in either election and have not voted since. A cop out? No, because whatever I do it has no chance whatsoever of affecting the result, so why say yes when you mean no?

Unrestrained voting for unrestrained government always ends in tears; it can never be better than the divine right of majorities and in practice becomes the divine right of Big Government – whoever you vote for, Big Government gets in. Some will veer slightly towards more warfare, others towards more (so-called) welfare. In other words we’ll get statism in any case. The last hundred years has seen government spending (as a proportion of output) multiply by ten, to 50 per cent. One thing is certain; a repeat performance is impossible.

As I hope will become clear, we have fallen for a Left versus Right hoax. Warfare and Welfare are two sides of a coin called Bigness and indeed are friends not enemies. (I hope that, too, will become clear. Basically Welfare leads to protectionism rather than free trade, and if goods don’t cross borders armies will, while Warfare brings a bigger and more intrusive role for government that is never relinquished thereafter.)

This book is a plea against both, in favour of Top versus Bottom where Top is small and Bottom is big. As Lord Acton said, power corrupts, and the damage caused by Big Government is enormous. Every opportunity should be taken to give discredit where discredit is due – which is most of the time. Big Government is bad for everybody – except for the political class, referred to in this book as politicos. Three short appendices cover slightly more technical issues, respectively on global warming (Chapter 6), a vital but little-discussed drawback of ‘public sector’ entities (Chapter 8), and monopoly (Chapter 11).

Thank you for reading this book and I hope that you laugh a lot – until you cry.

The underlying approach remains true to the first edition (1975) – direct quotations with appropriate remarks, split into chapters according to the nature of the crap rather than the subject matter. The sources are similar too – Party Manifestos and Conferences plus news and comments picked up mainly from one newspaper, this time The Times instead of the Guardian. Both have strong statist leanings but The Times is more in tune with today’s BGC – Big Government Conservatism.

This time I have occasionally peeped over the waters – particularly westward to the USA (the home of BGC) and the United Nations, and sometimes eastward to the European Union. A new chapter is also required for this edition, namely ‘One Rule for Them’ – an offshoot of Cheeky Crap, whereby the politicos are blatant about the double standards between Them and Us. To keep the book fairly compact, something has had to give, namely two chapters and a few organisations. Yes and No Crap and Useless Crap could fill many books but, like the politicos  themselves, are essentially hot air. For example, in the first edition of this book we had Ted Heath telling us that his government will take ‘whatever action is necessary’ to do a host of things including conserving the nation’s energy supplies; we now have Home Secretary John Reid telling us (in the Sunday Telegraph, 21 January 2007) that he will do exactly the same thing to resolve the mess that is the Home Office.

Looking at the minority parties, the British National Party and the Greens are strikingly similar, essentially fascist anti-trade home-grown foodies – the fastest way to join the third world. (The only good thing about the Green Party is its research document showing that the Lib Dems did not oppose the Iraq War.1) Communism was founded on ignorance and hasn’t changed. UKIP is a self-confessed single issue party. (To anybody who wants smaller government, leaving the European Union is a no-brainer, but this book isn’t about single-issue politics.)

The TUC and CBI, once proud corporatists regularly supping in Downing Street and governing by nods and winks and hints, have been sensibly sidelined; unfortunately corporatism (an alliance of Big Government and Big Business) hasn’t. Instead, specific legislation and regulation, promoted as often as not by Big Business aiming to exclude competition by law, and governed by state regulators often masquerading as consumer champions, is the order of the day. It’s ironic to think that Dr Gertrude Kelly, born in 1862 and one of the earliest feminists in the United States, considered the free market to be a cure for capitalism – by which she meant corporatism.

Are you ready? Then let’s go.

Foreword

Perhaps we live in such a depressing political system these days because all politicians seem to agree with each other: and in agreeing with each other they all speak the same language, of crap. Mr Arthur’s book brilliantly exposes not just the ludicrous and often meaningless way in which so many of our rulers speak, but also, in doing so, he reveals the confidence trick that is being played upon all of us. What characterizes so much politics these days is the utter absence of principle with which it is conducted. We live, for worse, in the era of the career politician. Soon it will be the exception rather than the rule to have ministers whose life has not taken the following path: PPE at Oxford (or something distressingly similar), then work as a special adviser, spin doctor or researcher, then the backbenches, then office. The question is not just how such people can possibly be acquainted with the realities of the people over whom they rule; it is how, with such an upbringing, they could have ever have hoped to speak a language the rest of us could understand, let alone take seriously.

Mr Arthur has presented us with a user’s manual to politicians. Anyone who reads it will not merely laugh out loud, but will be armed against all future attempts by the political class to lie, obfuscate and prevaricate. To this end some philanthropist should pay for a copy to be sent into every household in the land. However, there is an even more serious point. The continuous theme of this excellent little book is about the evils of the state, and of the importance of keeping politicians out of our lives as far as possible. Time and again their destructiveness, but also their sheer incomprehension and incompetence, are demonstrated: and we are their victims. Nor is this a party political point. They are all at it. Socialists, of course – that is their raison d’être – but also so-called liberals and, of course, in the era of the blessed Dave, so-called Conservatives.

This book holds lessons for us all. It is a further pointer to the fact that we need to get tougher with our politicians, and to abjure them for the way in which they patronise us and insult our intelligence. They have got away with it for too long. We are not a bovine people (or worse, an ovine one) to be herded about obediently by people who are, in fact, our intellectual and moral inferiors.  This book opens a new front against these self-aggrandising, destructive and too often maleficent people. May it not be the last.

Simon Heffer – Associate Editor, the Daily Telegraph

Press Release

CRAP:  A GUIDE TO POLITICS
Terry Arthur

Sept 2007 - PB 978 08264 91398 - £9.99

• The first edition, self-published in the 1970s, struck a chord with the British public and was extremely successful.
• This completely new edition covers not only our current political leaders but also material on George W Bush, the war in Iraq, the European Commission and the UN.
• An essential read for everyone who has ever questioned the purpose of bureaucrats and politicians.  Accessibly and humorously written, this book has bite!

“Behind the jokey title and the lively, entertaining style, Terry Arthur has produced a devastating exposé of the intellectual confusion, political deception and economic ignorance that have come to dominate public pronouncements. His precision of thought, clarity of language and lightly-worn scholarship have resulted in a book that would have won the warm approval of George Orwell.” - Sir Antony Jay, co-author of Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister

“Mr Arthur has presented us with a user's manual to politicians. Anyone who reads it will not merely laugh out loud, but will be armed against all future attempts by the political class to lie, obfuscate and prevaricate. To this end some philanthropist should pay for a copy to be sent into every household in the land.” - Simon Heffer, Associate Editor, Daily Telegraph 

Taking its inspiration from Terry Arthur’s thirty year-old classic 95 per cent is Crap: A Plain Man’s Guide to British Politics, this is a down-to-earth exposé of the crap still being peddled by leading politicians today. Humorously but devastatingly written, Arthur exposes twelve very different sorts of political nonsense. Irreverent yet brilliant, this guide is essential reading for everyone who is sick of spin.

Terry Arthur is an actuary holding several non-executive positions. He writes regularly for the broadsheet press and various journals. A keen sportsman, he played rugby for England in 1966.
Praise for the 1975 edition:
“A splendid book – amusing, disturbing and profound.” - Milton Friedman

“Mr Arthur has seen and measured the tip of an iceberg which, amazing though it may seem, most of the other passengers still have not noticed – and he has done so with accuracy and humour.” - Arianna Stassinopolous, The Spectator

Key Dates: Book launch hosted by the IEA on Thursday 11th October, 6:30 pm

Send all interview and review copy requests to Sarah Patel, 
T: 020 7922 0938, E: spatel@continuumbooks.com